Nobody likes you when you're 23

As I sit here in my last half hour of being 23, I'm feeling that I'd like this birthday to be a real turning point in my life. It would kinda be convenient considering the lessons and the growth that have happened in the past...year or so, increasing exponentially. I learned two exes ago that my people instincts really are on par, and more importantly that even if things seem perfect on the surface, sometimes things just don't work out. Over the summer I pretty much gave my heart to two people - one that definitely deserved it and has taken care of it. The other has done the opposite in a much more purposeful manner. I also found someone that I had cared about before, but resented over the summer for situations and circumstances that were outside of me. But in the midst of a lot of heartbreak and pain I understood God's voice and why I should listen to it, and so I reached out. And in this situation I have discovered that I really don't have to be liked by someone, or like them at some points, but can still show care and love and be dedicated to their well being. And more recently, that I can be pushed away for staying true to morals, what I believe in, and to myself, and it really isn't the end of the world. Beyond that, I have control over what is brought in to my life by people, because I have control over how much they are a part of my life. And so all the bumper sticker quotes about surrounding yourself with good energy and you become like the 5 people you're around the most and all of that make sense. So I learned about God and then about people.

I have also learned that you really, really can't help people unless they want to help themselves. You can be the perfect loving person and the shit will still hit the fan constantly if that's what the person wants. So if that's this frustrating to me, how often does God feel frustrated about me going my own way and staying too long in the sadness and anger and self-pity when He has always offered the clear answers to true joy...

And in another weird way, I've kinda discovered a ghost of an echo of what it must be like to be a divorced parent, but that's not really necessary to explain here, except for the fact that it's incredibly stupid and petty and luckily I caught myself and reframed the situation before I myself turned into an incredibly immature screaming child.

Anyways, tomorrow as a 24 year old I'll be headed to the Texas Brazilian steakhouse, possible glow bowling (both in the mall a couple miles away which is getting more and more awesome every second) and maybe out with more friends later. Here's to cutting all the crap out of my life and not letting it back in no matter what form it comes in, and more importantly recognizing and cherishing the fantastic, golden friends that I've been blessed with. Let's get some more of that!