Mama, why don't you get a job?

So it's officially January 2nd, but I'm ok with that. I guess this post is at least going to start out with the intention of reviewing what I learned last year and maybe some goals for this year. It's gonna be another lengthy one...

I used to think New Year's Resolutions were stupid, but I realized a few days ago that instead of negatively thinking that people use it as an excuse to look at themselves one time a year, I can instead use it personally as another reminder to think about where I've come from and where I should/want to be in the future.

Side note - this is really random, but when I have nothing better to do, I go through my Facebook and try and clean it up, steamline it, simplify it a lil bit. So I'm doing that right now while I'm trying to blog, and I found this note, which is still pretty accurate haha.

https://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=183350777406

ALRIGHT, I'll get to the point. I cannot believe it's January again. A year ago I was halfway through my murderous senior year. 2 of my closest friends graduated, I was living off campus-ish, taking an average 16 credits, working a couple jobs, trying to keep a good relationship with a boyfriend, holding it down as president of the Salvation Army Student Fellowship, and last but definitely not least (in hours spent, effort put forth, or in amount of love) is continuing as the responsible captain of the Ultimate team.

Over the semester and summer, I would be involved with three different guys (wow that sounds bad), all of which would eventually tell me that it's not gonna work. Looking back, I see the patterns. Each relationship started started (obviously) because the present seemed great - each one failed because of a lack of or uncertainty of the future. That sounds really stupid when laid out like that, but some of these guys were such wonderful friends. Who knows where things might have gone - I ended up having the opposite problem of most relationships, where the people spend enough time together to realize they won't work for one reason or another. In mine, we didn't have enough time together to find out if we could go the long haul before we had to decide whether to put in some big investments. No regrets - just experience and lessons. If I've learned anything, though, it's that relationships are unpredictable. I've dated someone that I thought I was going to marry. I've dated someone that I tried to change for but luckily that didn't work. I've dated someone that I always highly respected and never thought I'd catch the attention of. I've dated a best friend. I've throw caution to the wind; I've tried to do it by the book. I've been with Jesus freaks and non-Christians alike. All I can say right now is that I HAVE to date someone that you respect and enjoy being with, exactly as who they are, and they HAVE to do the same with me. I cannot date someone that I think needs to change, or that I hope can change me. I must be honest with who I am and who I want to be with - I can't settle or set stupid expectations.
Resolution 1: Be true to myself

Another big thing was I would also lose respect for some of the art staff at Houghton - but in a strange twist I think I gained some from them; ironically enough it would come at the point where I didn't really care anymore. The link, I think, is that my art became more important to me than their opinions did, and I decided that I would make my way in the world whether they understood it or thought I was good enough - or not. In college, art professors were the parents of my world - I was trying to make my way in art, which I knew, but in a professional format. So I had to rely on their experience and teachings as complete truth because I had no experience and no reason to think otherwise. I'll be eternally grateful, if not always completely fond, of what I learned from each of them - from technical drawing skills to compassion to learning what it means to respect and defend yourself. And putting up a hell of a fight when the time calls for it. ...I fight for my work, but I've always hated looking at my own artwork because I know every detail intimately and all I can see are the flaws (and I know better than to draw attention to the viewers). Coincidentally, the same holds true to myself as a person.
Resolution 2: Self-esteem

I'm also in the process of learning how to live at home as a strange half-adult half-responsible mutant. Ok - I graduated from college, I got my license, I found a car, I paid for all of it with my own money, I set up car insurance, I interviewed and was hired for a job in my field, I applied everywhere and was hired on at a second job when I was put on part time, I pay for my car when it needs things, I'm never late, I pay my bills, I drive myself to church and other things, I try to maintain relationships with friends and make new ones. But I also live at home, I eat the groceries my parents buy (and if they didn't make it, it's usually a microwaveable pizza), my mom fields my mail and like to hold onto my checkbook (my account is a joint one with her), I live on their water and electricity, I spend most of my time in my room, I'm not usually in a good mood when I'm home and to be honest here I don't even do chores. How do I balance all of this crap? Where do I draw the lines between making decisions for myself and trying not to offend them? I have talked to a few people about this...but it's an area that I can tell I'm going to have to find the answer on my own.
Resolution 3: Honor my parents

And now to top it off with a short cliche, I am terribly out of shape and I have a lot of excuses for not going running or working out. Worst of all, my Ultimate game is nowhere near where it was.
Resolution 4: Stay fit and healthy