I deserve nothing.

Yesterday sucked. The things that made me feel yesterday was my friends, who help me out and cheer me up sometimes without even knowing. Not the solving of my issues though. I was thinking yesterday as I was laying in my hammock before falling asleep that, well, how come these things aren't easy? I figured, well this year of a bunch of crap happening was supposed to be over, and then this past week it's like... I'm being attacked from all sides. Attacked. Attacks come from Satan. No one made a deal with me that I would have free easy living ever - challenges intended for growth and insight come from God, and Satan is not looking to give us an easy time either. Outside of that, who's to say that I deserve the things I want? Hah. I'm upset because of the parameters that I have placed on myself, not the parameters God has asked from me. I said, I want my car to last a few years. Not unreasonable, and it would be nice, but it's not something that should devastate me if it doesn't happen. I said, I want to find a nice quiet apartment somewhere relatively safe that's cheap. Again, nothing unreasonable, but who's to say God isn't calling me to live in a dump? If Paul did tons of good work behind bars, how can I say that God wouldn't be able to bless me by living somewhere I'm uncomfortable with? The underlying issue here is that I don't know what He wants and as of now, after the apartment I loved got snapped up, I'm really shooting in the dark here. All the same, I have to be open to whatever He calls me to. The other issue is that my mindset is wrong - I was thinking that I deserved and was owed better. The truth is you cannot count on the world to give you what you deserve, and God sure doesn't owe you anything except for separation from Him because of our sin and fallen ways. Luckily His son came and his mercy and grace and challenges and blessings cover us daily and show the strength of His love for us. Anyways, my last thought was I came into this world with nothing and I have a heck of a lot more than that to be really, really thankful for, so if I have some issues along the way with my life, then thank you God for hitting me over the head and reminding me to be humble and eternally grateful. Amen.